Peace Out, G-fruit

Dearest Readers,

I'm sorry I have let you all down my not posting over the past 15 months. I read back over this blog and realized Grapefruit is out of her freaking mind. And also I have to fill everyone in on what all has happened in this time.

If you'll recall, Grapefruit decided to sell her condo. After more prodding, I found out she was moving into an assisted living facility. She is allowed to be "independent" until she falls or something I think. So Grapefruit proceeded to buy or rent or sell her soul or whatever you do to get into those ritzy raisin ranches. She also did not attempt to put her condo up for sale for almost 3 months after moving out, instead asking me every time she stalked me out if I knew anyone who was wanting to buy a condo. Last time I checked, Grapefruit, I work full time and am not a realtor. Plus we know she wasn't going to pay me shit, and I may look sweet, but I want a new kitchen.
After she had moved out, she continued coming by her old place daily to check the mail, make sure no one stole her lawn ornaments, and to check on me (just kidding!).

I got off work one day to find a huge work van parked in her carport, with her car parked in mine. I parked beside my apparent new roomie and she came hobbling off her porch telling me about how she had new floors and she was so sorry to park in my carport. I told her it was fine and congratulated her on the new flooring, and I'm sure said some bullshit about how it would help sell her home (not in this market!).

Grapefruit cocked her head and demanded "Do you want to see my floors?"
"Oh, well, ok."

Finally, I was going into Grapefruit's home! I followed her up to her back door, where there were 5 annoyed looking workers standing around, clearly waiting for their check so they could go.

"This is my friend and she asked if she could come over and see the new floors, she really wanted to see them" she told the men. They looked at me and we shared a knowing look- this woman's off her rocker. I walked into the kitchen to see the ugliest flooring one could pick. I of course complimented them like the liar I am, and was given the sample and item # so I could order some for my home. Score!

One of the workers then pointed at my shoes and said "You know, a woman in high heels on a new floor is like an elephant walking on the floor". I could only glare. Grapefruit put an arm in front of me and said to him "You put in the floors, they should be fine". I appreciated Grapefruit sticking up for me, but continued to walk on my tiptoes throughout the house.

The rest of the house was pretty boring. I was horrified to find the nice wood detailing throughout our homes had been painted over in an off white "to make it look better". She also replaced the parquet entry way flooring with linoleum, because "it makes more sense". The only decorative items were in the bathrooms- she wrapped these gigantic ribbons around the hand towels. I told her they were lovely (I am seriously a liar). Grapefruit soon put her condo on the market after that, and a mere 8 months later a SOLD sign appeared and then there was a new neighbor moving in...