Old Lady Gaga

I hadn't seen Grapefruit Lady since right before Easter weekend. I knew she was going to Colorado for her grandson's wedding so I wasn't too concerned. It's not unusual for me to go weeks without seeing her when she's in town. Elderly people are a different breed, and on a completely different schedule. It's a fact.

Nearly a month after Easter, I came home from work feeling horrible. I changed into yoga pants and a over sized white t-shirt from a women's shooting event I went to promoting gun owner rights, sans bra. I was a hot mess. My plan was to walk my dog quick and get back on the couch. I should have known.

Out of nowhere, Grapefruit Lady and her equally ancient dog show up. She asks how I am, and I tell her I feel horrible, and I am about to go lay down. She ignores this and says "I've been gone, you know!". I tell her yes, and ask her how her grandson's wedding was. "It was fine. But then I went to Brazil!" she exclaims. Now it's getting interesting. A few months ago Grapefruit also went to Brazil. I live for stuff like this (I used to stare out of my window for hours at my other neighbors porch because I was convinced that they are hoarders. No conclusion on that yet.). What 80+ year old woman goes to Brazil that often? Is she in a drug ring? Part of a human trafficking job? I turn on my fake smile and (through my hacking coughs) tell her how lucky she is to travel that often, and asked her what she was doing there.
"I was recording an album".
"An album?"
"Yes. They put me up in a hotel and everything. It didn't even feel like work, it was so relaxing. They even took my picture for the album. I'm working on my biography now, for the children to read".
I am stunned. "I had no idea I was living next door to a superstar!"
Grapefruit Lady smiles. "Me either. You know, I sang 13 songs in Portuguese and 3 in English".
"You speak Portuguese?"
"Yes, I'm fluent".

Last year I went to Mexico. Not Brazil, but that's all I got. I have a mental picture of children scrounging and begging on the streets trying to save up enough money to get that new bad ass album from that old American woman. Then I think back to 3rd grade and me begging my parents for the new Ace of Base album so I wouldn't be the only kid without it. Not the same, is it?

I congratulated Grapefruit on her new found fame and told her to have a good night. As I walked away, she said "I'm sorry, what was your name again?". Forgetting the little people already.

Oh, and for those curious, I do not know Grapefruit Lady's real name. She's told me before, but I like Grapefruit Lady best.