Tomato Plants, Singing, and Tramp Stamps

I bought my condo in August of 2009 and quickly realized I was the youngest homeowner in my 'hood...by about 50 years. Cadillacs, tomato plants, and ceramic lawn ornaments reign supreme. When I first moved in, my friend Kelly moved in with me. This is when we met The Grapefruit Lady (nickname came later).

The Grapefruit Lady attends one of those mega churches in my area. I don't have anything against people who attend mega churches, but personally, it's not my thing. One of the first questions Grapefruit Lady asked me was if I attended church. I answered honestly and told her no, not regularly, but when I do I attend a small church with my parents and I love it. She then told me about how great her church was and how I needed to go to it. Again, I politely told her about my parent's church. Grapefruit Bitch then goes on a ten minute rant about how wonderful her church is and even went as far as to detail the times of the many bible studies on Sunday mornings. "Do you like to sing?" she asked. "No, I really don't, not in public" was my response. This prompted her to try to recruit me to choir practice with her, and they had a concert coming up. I told her I would let my roommate know because she loves choirs.

I later found out Grapefruit had the same types of conversations with Kelly. Both of us listened politely then told her how excited our roommate would be about whatever event she was pushing. Kelly has suggested when Grapefruit goes into another rant about her church, I bend over and show her my large tramp stamp, which happens to be a cross. It's pretty tempting, but I don't want her dropping dead on my property. Too much work.